Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
