Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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