May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
