Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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