I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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