I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
