I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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