Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
