did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
