My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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