why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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