She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
