Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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