There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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