wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
