I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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