someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
