Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
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I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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