Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
