I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
