I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
