The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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