thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
