im about as happy as oj after his trial
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
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I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
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Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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