I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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