i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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