its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
