Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
