I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
