i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
