roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
