Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
