And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
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