I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
