Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
