The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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