My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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