he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
