Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
