dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I checked into jail on foursquare
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
