I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I smell stomach acid.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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