Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm gonna fight the coyote
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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