I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
