Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
this is an emotional support booty call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I forget how to act sober
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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