We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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