Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
