for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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