Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Barsexuality is the new black.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
