He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
