Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
