I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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