Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
