I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
