So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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