if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
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