we have pet lesbian snakes
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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