turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
