Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
