Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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