I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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