The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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