I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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