Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
