Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We're too hungover to prance.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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