...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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