I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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