i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
