Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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