I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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