he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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